38+3

Dear Keene kids

 

I'm currently typing this during my lunch break on my last day or work before going on parental leave. I'm 38+3 weeks and feeling great, apart from having put on over 20kg already! I wanted to write this post in anticipation of what's going to happen in the next few weeks.

 

After Matt's birth didn't go as I'd hoped (we were of course grateful that you were born healthy and happy Machu), I suffered a lot of trauma. It was difficult for me to explain this to people because I had a perfect little son in my arms and I was recovering from the caesarean nicely. However I was so upset at the lack of control or say I had in what had happened to my own body and the long term ramifications of Matt being born via surgery and not naturally that I fell into a deep depression. Thankfully after almost three years of struggling with the thought of 'what if' I sought counselling and am in a much better place.

 

I have spent the last (almost) four years researching how to prevent this happening again with your birth, Baby Keene. I can't guarantee that you won't be born by caesarean too, but you will NOT be forced out of my tummy unless there is a true medical emergency and I give the go ahead. I have a feeling the support team we have this time will make for an entirely different experience, and the knowledge and convictions I hold will make up for any rabbit holes that may appear.

 

Matt, I'm sorry you didn't get the happy and healthy mum that you deserved. I'm sorry you may have health problems in the future because you didn't get the benefits to your gut of a vaginal birth. I hope our 3.5 years of breastfeeding has helped but I have no way of knowing. I'm sorry you, as our first born, have born the brunt of our naivety as first-time parents. The gift in this is that you have given your sibling a strong chance of having a better start, so you are already an amazing big brother.

 

Baby Keene, I'm waiting patiently for you to choose your birthday. You will not be rushed out and you will not have any deadlines put on you. I trust you to let me know when you're ready to come earth-side and I trust my body to keep you safe until then. The universe knows when you'll be here, for it is already written in the stars. I am sure we are going to make an awesome team and will absolutely ROCK your birth!!

 

 

 

Love you my babies,

Mum xxx